A New Start -Oneshot-

"Hey, I'm back again."

A lone figure stood upon the cemetery ground. Rows and rows of tombstones had surrounded him, though he only bothered to pay attention to one particular one; a single memorial holding the name of a man whom had held his heart.

The man whom had stood by himself had dark ebony locks, his usual gleaming scarlet eyes now dull with guilt and sadness. His body trembled from the temperature of the weather, his usual pale skin slowly turning into a snow white. Long and thin fingers pulled the open fur coat jacket hugging his body closer, skin searching for warmth through the black long sleeved shirt.

A broken chuckle fell from his lips, a depressed smile gracing his face as he had quieted down. The silence surrounding the area was quite awkward, as well as filled with guilu, despite the man being alone. Though, he did not care.

Orihara Izaya did not care one bit.

In truth, he had found the silence to be calming, despite the atmosphere being quite uncomfortable. Although he could honestly now care less of what others around him thought of him and his relationship with the now dead man, it had brought him peace to be left alone with a person whom he had held such complicated feelings for.

"How long has it honestly been since I last visited you; a month, correct?" Even though he that he would not get a reply, he had continued with the one-sided conversation with the man buried just under his feet.

Another forced chuckle slipped from him, eyes closing as another dejected smile began to form on his lips. His legs had begun to tremble underneath him and the next thing he knew, they had suddenly gave out. Falling to his knees, the raven bent forward and caught himself before his face could meet the dirt beneath him. After a moment of silence, he had straightened up, thimble hands pulling his coat closer to him once more.

Letting out a shaky breath, he paid no care to the icy breath that had fallen from his lips. His shoulders drooped, hands that held the jacket together loosening its grip. Sad crimson eyes had read the gravestone just in front of him, a shivering hand reaching out to touch the name engraved on the stone. A thumb had caressed the first name before his eyes had flickered to the last name.

"Heiwajima…"

Izaya had silently murmured under his breath. His frowning and trembling lips had tilted up into a somewhat smile, despite all the despair held behind it. He had blinked as he stared at that last name. "You know, I can't believe that Heiwajima or all surnames is yours. You were never much of a peaceful person you know. Well, of course you do, because that was what you had once told me of course."

Closing his eyes, Izaya had taken another deep breath as his smile continuously threatened to fall. Another forced chuckle left his lips as he took in another shaky breath. "You know… I remember that day clearly; the day when you told me that you were not of course a peaceful man despite your name."

Scarlet eyes fluttered open again, although this time brimmed with tears. Though, the raven continued to hold on a shaky smile as his one of his hand continued to press against the tombstone. He forced his tears to not fall, doing his best to keep them from falling. "We had another argument. You kept on accusing me of cheating on you with my clients, and I in return b-began to a-accuse you of cheating on m-me."

Izaya inwardly cursed himself for losing himself near the end of his sentence, though nonetheless, that didn't stop him from still making his statement. Closing his eyes, he took in another shaky breath before he had continued to speak. "It resulted in the two of us arguing for arguing for quite a while. I remembered you getting so angry that you had actually punched me."

Another pause.

"It hurt like hell." Throwing his head back, he had gulped before taking a deep breath. Izaya remembered how shocked he was. He honestly wasn't expecting to suddenly get punched that night. His jaw had burned; it was painful for him to speak for a few days and for those few days, he had not seen his love all day. Though, throughout those few days, the last words the man had said before he left had echoed through his head.

'Get this straight you bastard; I am not a peaceful man. I'm not afraid to hurt you, so your better learn to keep your mouth shut.'

A forced laugh fell from his lips as he his memory brought pulled back the words he had last heard before a loud slam of the door that late night. That was the first time within the entire year that they had dated did his boyfriend disappear for so long. Izaya remembered being so concern, but he couldn't get over the fight so easily, especially since it wasn't even his fault to begin with. So he didn't bother to even attempt checking or searching for the man.

It was after about five days did the man finally return. It was late at night -around one forty five or so- when there was loud bangs came from his bed. Izaya was just closing his laptop, about to go to bed before he was rudely interrupted. Though, when he had angrily opened the door, his rage had immediately melted when he saw his boyfriend standing outside his door.

There were many things that had shocked and surprised the informant that day. For example, his boyfriend was drunk -his breath had smelled like alcohol- and Izaya knew that he never got drunk unless Izaya himself was there with the man. Another example would be that he had arrived at one forty five of all times. Then there was also the fact that his boyfriend's hair was brown – it had confused him a bit to see his blonde boyfriend with brown hair.

Though, the most surprising thing that had happened to Izaya that very day was when the blonde, and now brunette, had tackled him into a hug and began to murmur apologies. Most of them, the raven was able to make out, as others were too slurred, muffled up or too quiet over the tears that the man had shed on the informant's shoulder.

"You were crying like a little baby after you suddenly tackled me onto the floor." He had plainly stated, tilting his head up and closing his eyes, no longer caring as a few streams of tears fell from down his cheeks. Another broken chuckle echoed through the dead silent graveyard.

"You kept on ushering apologies after a-apologies…" his throat began to dry, voice cracking a bit as he shut his eyelids tighter, wishing… hoping… that when he opened them, then he would wake up in his large bed with the beautiful brunette soundlessly sleeping besides him, holding him close in a gentle manner. Though, as those clear ruby eyes cracked open, it was only met with disappointment. The raven's shoulders drooped as he stared up at the gray sky, his own hand slipping down the tombstone.

Dropping his head down, he began to take a few slow and deep breaths in order to calm himself down. As the tears began to subside and his vision began to clear, he had once again raised his head in order to look at the gravestone.

"You know, I can't believe you of all people were able to gain my affection." Pausing for a moment, Izaya had continued to speak. "From the very start, this was only suppose to be a game, but somehow, it evolved into more. Despite both of our dislikes to each other -now that I think about it, I've always hated you much more than you hated me- we both somehow became a couple."

Taking a deep breath, a saddened smile graced his lips. "You were kind of unpredictable; actually, you were quite predictable in truth. It was just that I always over analyzed everything. You actions were all just simple, but because I'm an informant, I couldn't believe that your actions were just that simple. I always had to think about a person, get into their mind and so on. But hey, you should be proud, right? You slipped through my fingers and now, it would be impossible for me to ever figure you out."

Finally coming to a halt, Izaya used this time to try to keep himself calm. He didn't want to break… He didn't want to break apart just yet… Not yet until he finished with what he had just wanted to get out. Although it was stupid to talk to an inanimate object… Although he knew that he would never get a reply… He just needed to get everything out before he suffocated in every single little thing he had kept in.

"You know, you're totally cheating." Leaning forward, pulling his upper body closer towards the grave, he had set both his hands between the engraved name. "Although our game is so close to ending, you're already continuing your first one with… him…"

He couldn't even bring himself to say the name… He couldn't even bring himself to say the name of his love's other love. Before the blonde, or so now brunette, had met Izaya, he was in a relationship with another. Another whom had looked nearly exactly like Izaya, although being much younger. Actually, very much younger indeed, as the boy was only in his third year of high school.

And also, that very boy was part of Izaya's family. Not Izaya's family as in sibling, but cousin actually. Though, the boy didn't live in Tokyo really and had just moved once he was fifteen to live with Izaya's family. But Izaya himself did not know this, as he tended to not pay any attention much to his own family and rather focused on more business related work. It was when Izaya was passing by Raira Academy on his way to meet a client did he spot his identical cousin with a tall blonde that certainly was not a high school student.

"When I first saw you two together, I only shrugged it off and continued on my way to meet that client of mines." Izaya mumbled in a quiet voice that was barely above a whisper. He had remembered how surprised he was at first, but he quickly got over it. It wasn't until he was back at his apartment in Shinjuku did his mind begin to wander back to his cousin and that blonde. So, Izaya did his research and it didn't take him so long until he had found out what the two's relationship was.

At first, Izaya was once more surprised, but then he soon got over it again as he realized that it wasn't any of his business. Izaya was only twenty three, his cousin had lived in Ikebukuro for only a year and his blonde boyfriend and him have been officially dating for six months before he had been hit by a truck out of the blue one day. His cousin was fragile and Izaya knew that. Izaya knew that he wouldn't make it, and although he would rather live in denial with a hope filled world that his cousin would make it through, he had accepted the truth. He knew that denying would only hurt him more in the world when learning that his cousin died, so he chose not to. "But you, no, you lived in that hope filled world that I chose to not go to. You still hoped that my cousin would live, even though deep in the back of your mind, you knew that he was dead for sure."

Izaya paused for a few moments to continue trying to even his breathing, not wanting to have a breakdown just yet. "After a month, it seemed as though you had completely got over his death. It was around that time did you begin trying to get closer to me." At first, Izaya didn't get much why his cousin's ex-boyfriend was bothering him so much, but he decided not to look into it much. So, he only continued on with his life normally, ignoring the blonde.

"After a month of all that, we had both decided to play a new game. It was a silent agreement of ours to suddenly start the game, and I honestly never imagined it to be this much of a roller coaster." During this game of theirs, their times together were filled with its ups and its down, but it was most certainly exhilarating. It was something that Izaya had never experienced before and he was held breathless and speechless for the very first time ever when he had realized that he had fallen for the blonde.

It was only six months through their game before they had finally gotten together. For another year and a half, they had been together. Eighteen months exactly had passed and they both knew; it was their half anniversary. That day, Izaya was going to meet him at a café in Ikebukuro, but as he passed through the park, he had seen the man he loved get hit by a truck.

For that week, Izaya had finally entered the hope filled world, denying the truth and hurting horribly in the end when the bad news was broken in. Now, it's been six months. Six long months and Izaya finds himself one again at the man's grave.

"It was all ironic, wasn't it. My cousin had died on your two's half year anniversary. Then, you die on our half year anniversary that very exact way he did at the very exact spot on the exact day." Another dry chuckle fell from his lips as he attempted to put on a cheerful facade. "Maybe it was fate's way of saying that you belong with him and not me."

Closing his eyes, Izaya had taken in a few more shaky breaths. "You know, for two years, you had held my heart. Two straight years; today is our anniversary of getting together, and also at the same time, it's yours and my cousin's anniversary of getting together." Pausing for a moment, Izaya immediately shook his head to rid of the thought of his cousin. "Though, you can probably tell by now that it's not because of my cousin that I'm here or that I just wanted to see you. Actually, of course you can tell that I wasn't here for any of those reasons; you were always the best one to understand me, standing high above all others."

Dropping his head down, Izaya basked in the silence for a minute or so before he began speaking again. "As I said before, you've held my heart for two years. It's been in your hands for two long years. After I had built walls and walls of defense one after another, locked it in a safe, threw out the key and chained down my heart, you had somehow managed to break all those layers of walls, find the key and rip away all those chains."

Another joyless laugh left his lips as his sentenced ended. He had spent years building all those walls just to protect himself, and yet, it only took a blonde man three months to break down all those defenses he kept up. "You are such a thief; you break in, take what you want and then just leave. Just leave with the most valuable thing that I had tried to keep safe and away from everybody else."

Izaya mused, allowing his bangs to cover his eyes from view, before he had continued to say what he had came to say. "Remember that one day when we were both lying in my bed? You had your arms wrapped around me and you pulled me closer to you. I tried to slither out of your grasp, but I couldn't and after a while, I just gave up, since both of us were already tired. I decided to just let you hold me in your arms while I slept, but before my world turned dark, I remembered you calling me your special angel."

He silently cursed himself as tears begin to grow around his eyes. "The next day, when I woke up, I called you an idiot for calling me that. But, you told me that although I certainly didn't look like an angel, I was just as fragile as one." Another raspy laugh left his lips as the tears slid down his face. "I-I guess you were right back then. B-But if you really believed I was an angel, then I realize what had kept me attached to you."

Dropping his head lower down, no longer caring for the warm tear that continued to slide down his face. "You stole my wings, and now, I want them back. You know that I'm unable to leave this attachment I have towards you until I get those very wings back; those wings that had belonged to me. I can't fly away without them, and if I can't fly away, I can't bring myself to stay away from you."

"I-It's all because o-of you that I-I'm in l-love." His voice choked as those words spilled from his lips, long strands of tears continuing to fall from his face. Though, he had continued to keep a maddening and yet still saddening smile upon his face.

"It's really unfair. I'm in love with you and yet you're still in love with my cousin! It's very unfair really!! All of this is unfair!!!" His voice had grown more solid the louder he had spoken, but the louder he was, the more tears that had fallen.

Throughout their entire relationship, there was always a small part within him; a part that was attached to his knowledgeable informant instinct side, which had continuously told him that the blonde was only with him because he had looked liked his cousin. Though, Izaya only ignored the warnings and continued to do so for two years. For those two long years, he had deceived himself into believing that the blonde had truly loved Izaya himself, no matter how crazy their love actually was. It wasn't until he had finally died did all of reality come crashing down on him, forcing him to face the truth.

To face that the man would no longer be part of his life, to face that the man actually didn't love him for his personality or any of that, but only for his looks and close resemblance towards his cousin. All of it, everything about their relationship, was all just a big lie that had only ended up hurting Izaya in the end. Everybody else went unaffected by this, but Izaya had been hurt, and hurt horribly much more than anybody actually should have.

"Heh, I guess this must have been how you felt when my cousin died and left you. But I gotta say, you're lucky because you knew that he had loved you back just as much as you loved him; you knew that you two were meant for each other and there was certainly not doubt in your mind. Though, back then, you were till in a bit of denial about his death, so if you couldn't have still in your life by your side, you settled for the second best thing, me; the older cousin whom had looked so close to the younger one."

Closing his eyes, he continued to take shaky breaths in an attempt to continue keeping himself together, despite the tears falling down his face. "I guess this is karma coming back to get me. I've hurt tons of people; broke their hearts, put them in life threatening situations and so on. I never imagined that the same would ever happen to me. What makes it worst is that I know that throughout our entire relationship, I knew it was all a lie. I knew that you only used me because I looked so much like my cousin, and my cousin and I had a close relationship, which only made everything even more horrible in the end."

"I'm a prisoner aren't I?" Throwing his head up, Izaya gave a dry and raspy laugh. "Actually, I'm your prisoner, right? You're holding me down with metal chains, blindfolding me from everything else in this world and even going as far as paining me with a sharp whip."

"Sometimes I would try to find the key -or at least try my best to find it- even when all I can see is a black blur of the color filled world. Well, now that you're gone, now that you're dead, I ask, where is the key? I ask, WHERE IS THE KEY?" Izaya had shouted out the question, his hands forming into fists. Though, he made no other angered movements besides these.

Another shaky laugh left his lips as his head dropped forward. He shut his eyes close as he took hard shaky breaths, fists curling together more in a much more forceful manner. After a moment, he had gulped to rid of the lump in his throat. "You're my thief, you're my master and most of all, you're my god." As the last three words slipped from his lips, they were ushered in a small and quiet tone.

"I worship you with all my heart, and you know it…" Izaya mused before he continued to speak. "So, why do you continue doing this to me. You're my everything, and yet, it's like you can care less about the real me."

Once more, Izaya inwardly cursed himself as his vision began to blur once more, tears gathering around his eyes before they began to fall. Although, he was at least a bit thankful that his tears had ceased, only a few streams falling down his face rather than many just as before.

"It took me two years before I finally decided to face reality. I'm not backing down anymore, so please, forgive me. I'm shattering my heart and I'm just going to leave it all broken into shards in me, because although it's broken, at least I have it back and somebody else in this world may be able to repair it once more. I'll steal my wings back, and although I will no longer be able to fly, I'll at least be able to leave with me myself completely together. I'm unlocking the chains around my hands that have been holding me down and I will take off the blindfold and face the real world full of colors rather than just black. I will no longer be your slave, but I'll be my own person. And most of all, I'm dethroning you and I will become my own god and find my own angel to stay by my side."

Bringing his head up, Izaya had stared at the name carved into the gravestone with vermillion eyes filled with a newfound determination, flickering for the first time within six months with a fiery flame. "When you died, you wanted me to give you up, but I couldn't just yet. And now, although I'm six months late, I'm finally fulfilling your last wish; I'm moving on."

A small smile graced his face. A real smile had graced his face, and no matter how small it was, it was one that had radiated, glowing brightly and filled with just as much joy it had held two years ago. "I hope you don't mind the amount of time it took me, but I've stayed down for long enough." Closing his eyes, Izaya took a deep breath as he ran a shivering hand through his dark locks, his body still slightly quivering from both the cold and bundle of emotions that were spilling within him.

The raven cracked an eye open, glancing behind him as he felt the weight of another coat placed on his back. He wasn't so surprised when he saw a mop of blonde hair, but that wasn't really what gave the man behind him away. "You're going to catch a cold if you continue staying out here flea." Izaya couldn't fight back another small smile as that familiar nickname reached ears. The blonde behind him wore a bartender suit, despite being a debt collector, and although despite their previous hate-hate relationship, they had begun to get on more friendly terms a year ago, and after the death of Izaya's love, they only grew closer.

Letting out another break, he began to lift himself up from the ground in a slow and careful manner. His body continued to slightly tremor, from both. Softly gulping as he stood back on his two feet, he let out a somewhat sigh of relief. Another peaceful smile formed on his lips as he looked up at the sky, pulling the coat around his back over him and closer, despite already wearing a fur coat jacket himself. "Well Masaomi, take care of Mikado; or should it be the other way around?" with a small chuckle, Izaya gave the grave in front of him one last glance before turning around and walking away with the blonde debt collector and future lover.

Although before he had left with the former bartender, Izaya allowed the tips of his fingers to graze upon the tombstone before he had disappeared from the silent and empty cemetery with another blonde, ushering one last sentence in a soft voice barely even a whisper. "Delic, take care of Psyche as well…"